The Muse

Gaze into the eyes of this beautifully imperfect creature,
Now your mind has had its gates flooded with her features.
You're drawn to this woman, yet you can't explain why,
Something about her aura that catches your eye.

She gives you this feeling of adoration,
Yet you can't seem to find an explanation
As to why she makes you feel this way,
Her face can't escape your mind, as if it is trapped in a maze.

"What have you done to me?",
You're asking yourself, how did this come to be?
It isn't an obsession,
No, she saves you from oppression,
Freeing your soul with love and acceptance.

She wants to show you the love you've always expected,
Yet never received anything but love's rejection.
She isn't what you might be accustomed to viewing,
But the sight of her is oddly soothing.

She is your silent inspiration,
Your mind's own creation,
And although she is imperfect,
The comfort and love she provides makes it all worth it.

Word Vomit

You know, I realized my blog is titled "In My Mind" and i haven't really let you guys indulge in my thoughts. Yeah, the poems speak of a past that isn't so perfect, a young girl in search of happiness and love.. But I never let you in on what thoughts go through my head at that moment.

So here goes my word vomit...


I guess we all face that simple yet complicated question which seems to haunt us. That question is "Why?"
Why are certain things the way they are?
Why do we lose loved ones before we even get to spend a long life with them by your side?
I guess you could say, things happen for a reason..
I'm starting to hate, no, despise that phrase. Because I believe some things that happen have no reason.. But whatever.
Why Maino? Hm. That question really can't be answered. Our friend Tito aka Maino was a good man. One of the coolest you could come across. And I loved him with all my heart. There were a lot of things I should have said, yet didn't. Coulda, woulda, shoulda but didn't.
Hey, I guess that's life right? Some things just stay unanswered.

As I woke up this morning (the day of his burial), I was actually awake with a smile on my face. Why? Well I don't know. Actually I do..
I know he is in a much better place and regardless, his soul lives on. He is only gone in the physical, but his soul is forever with me.
I smile because I know his love is in MY heart along with everyone else who loved him like I did.

I guess this time is right for me to let out all my feelings. I loved Maino, more than he could actually imagine. I missed out on an opportunity to be with him, but we always had a bond that could never be broken, regardless of the situation.

Just letting my feelings out..

Crazy how I passed up on that.. But I guess its just that I wanted to be patient but waited too long.

Damn, Aston Martin music in my head when I wrote that. Thanks Drake for the right words lol.

But still, my love will be there forever and a day. And I know that the love he had for me still lives within me.

But enough about that... We have to celebrate life, and to be honest, be proud to be alive! We do not have the choice of saying when we want to go, when WE think our time is up. That is God given fate. So before we pass on, we have to love our family and our lives. Sucks that a loved one has to pass away to realize the importance of what is right in front of us.
"Better late than never. But never late is better." Shouts to you again Drake.

A Beautifully Altered Doll

Stitching up the final threads to his stunning masterpiece,
The tailor stares at his finished product in amazement.
"She is absolutely perfect from her head to her feet,"
Surprised at how successful his way went.

She was once a tethered and damaged little doll,
He felt that he can sculpt her into something more beautiful.
Erasing her imperfections and flaws was going to take him some time,
But he was prepared to complete this task, its all he pondered in his mind.

It didn't take as long as he had imagined,
She couldn't talk back to object to these new fashions.
Her lips stitched together, she couldn't utter a sound.
She was imprisoned, she had hoped one day to be found.

He did as he pleased, playing the puppetmaster,
As she sat back, watching her originality disappear faster and faster.

What could this little doll do? She had no voice,
Noone to run to, she was stuck here against her choice.
He wasn't going to simply let her go,
This was his creation and he wanted the world to know,
That he made this pretty little doll and she was his to keep,
Nowhere she was going to go, noone else was she allowed to meet.

So now she is placed on his trophy shelf,
Isolated from the world, as she loses her true self.

Over time she has collected some dust,
But wiped away all the traces of trust.
She didn't think he would leave her with this feeling of abandonment,
Yet there was nothing she could do, her chained hands limited.

Pretty little doll, maybe one day you will be appreciated,
But until then, you're on this lonely, dusty shelf,
Hoping soon to be alleviated,
And transformed back to your original self.

The Fairy Tale of Waits and Wishes

Ever remember how those lovely, enchanting fairy tales went?
My imagination would run wild wondering if I would ever have that type of end.
Where the princess waits for her prince and he sweeps her off her feet.
And living happily ever after was the way things were supposed to be.

But this little princess I know still hasn't experienced that fairy tale.
She's been waiting, waiting, waiting for him to prevail.

Impatiently waiting for him by her window,
All hopes have slowly but surely dwindled.
Speculating if her prince will ever come to her rescue,
Where is the love that she once knew?

He is supposed to be her knight in shining armor,
Capturing her heart, he was such a divine charmer.
Now, nowhere to be found, she's lost him,
He doesn't realize what this heartbreak has cost him.

Wishing he would come back to her to finish the ending to this story,
Yet he's not around, and she has gotten worried.
Will he return or move on to find another princess?
Forget about her and leave her with sadness and stress,

She had only asked for what every girl desired,
A prince to love her and be the only princess he admired.

I guess not all fairy tales can have that spectacular ending.
Quite disappointing that she is still there waiting.

But until then, her heart will be slowly mending,
Wishing her prince would arrive, now that feeling would be elating...

Alone

I sit ALONE in silence,
My mind is telling me, "Scream!"
"Let it all out, be defiant",
But no, something is stopping me.

Close the door, pull down the shades,
This is the time when the closet's skeletons come out to play ..

I don't know what to say,
Not even a way to explain
Why I am this way.

It hurts so much to hold it all inside,
But it seems somewhat necessary because of my pride.

I open my mouth yet I hear no sound,
As I come to realize, there's noone around.
Nothing to be seen,
In this dark room of silent screams...

I try to get up from this bed,
Time to leave this lonely room,
Listening only to the voices in my head,
They tell me stay, they're right I assume.

Because what else is there to see out there?
A cruel world where noone actually cares?
I've been alone for quite some time,
Becoming used to this solitary confinement in my mind.

The voices speak a story I refuse to tell,
My inner thoughts begin to speak to myself,
With so many repressed memories,
How can you achieve success mentally?

Its a bitter feeling when you're trapped in your own thoughts.
This is a battle that I've continuously fought.
Silent screams I've longed to let out,
Finally form into words I never thought would spout.

But yet, I still find myself ALONE in this dark room,
The voices won't allow me to leave,
I've become settled into my own tomb,
I guess you can say, my final resting place to grieve.

The Hustler's Wife

The second he stared into her green eyes,
He knew that she was the love of his life.
Her stare was mesmerizing,
And her inner power was hypnotizing.
He instantly fell in love with her essence,
There was just something special about her presence.

He quickly became addicted to her, not wanting to let go,
Not realizing he lost himself in her, he began to let his love show.
He noticed how people treated him differently now,
They saw that she had turned his life upside down.
But he didn't care for what they thought of his love,
Although it was clear she saw this affair as lust.

She started to pull away, not showing up as much,
As the time went by, he started to question her trust.
Running around with other men, never coming back to him,
He wondered if this was permanent, or just a short term fling.

But he wasn't letting go of her that easy,
His attraction for her made him needy.
He was determined to make her his girl forever,
Noone was going to stop them from being together.

It takes time & devotion to be able to keep this girl,
Come to think of it, she is who runs the world.
He makes sure that she never leaves his life,
Because she is what we consider the Hustler's wife.

Growing Up

Everything was just so much easier when we were smaller,
No worries except for when would be the day we would get taller.

When we were young, we wanted to be grown ups,
Playing house and acting like we knew what was what.

Who would have thought that when we actually did, it would be this tough.
Going through frienemies and where certain times were rough.

Now, we worry about how our hair looks, what clothes we're going to wear,
Wondering how another person is going to think when they stare.
Our inner self tells us, we shouldn't have anything to worry about,
But society doesn't just let us live a life without doubt.

They put these standards which you must apparently live by,
Instead of being able to be whoever you want in life.

Its sad how some people can become so ugly just by being vain,
But deep down inside I know these sense some pain,
Wishing that they can go back to the good old days,
Where Barbies and playing house kept them entertained.

The little boys had crushes on the girls,
Now it's about who can crush the girl first.
We now have this corrupted world,
Where our priorities have taken a turn for the worst.

Thinking back, it was so much easier at a young age,
But now its time to step up to the grown up stage.

Let's just hope that one day we can all find that inner child,
that's screaming, waiting to come out and run wild...

A Lucid Dream

You whispered in my ear,
And you thought I was sleeping.
But I heard you loud and clear,
You didn't see me peeking.

You told me you loved me,
And I don't know if it was a dream.
Come to think of it, could this be?
Did you really say something that you mean?

I was hoping to believe that this was true,
Could it be I am already falling in love with you?

No, this is too soon, too quick for my heart,
Now what am I to do, I don't want this to break apart.

So as I lay in the bed wondering if what I heard was correct,
I take a moment with my thoughts to reflect.

Even if it was a dream, this is what I desire,
I start to fall back asleep, hoping one day your heart I will acquire.

Beautiful Homicide

So tell me now, where did this all begin?
My vision has been blurred, what am I seeing?
The last I remembered, I saw ur hands around my neck squeezin'

Cutting off my circulation,
I'm losing concentration,
This feeling is vicious, malicious,
And there's no way to get rid of it..

Choke me til I can't breathe,
I'm dying a slow beautiful death in front of you ..
Open your eyes and see,
Is this what you call loving you?

My face turning white as a tablecloth,
I'm trying to shake this off,
But my inner demons have emerged,
And there goes my soul leaving the earth.

So now its my time to make you hurt,
Let's see how it feels when the tables are turned.
Stab you right through your heart,
Inflict the same pain you've done to me from the start.

As the blood drips down the knife,
I hear you scream for help,
Yet noone comes to save your life,
Your soul has finally settled in the depths of Hell.

So tell me now, where did this begin?
How can such an undying love perish in an instant?
We've tried lovin', we've tried livin',
but it seems as though this death was imminent...

Heartless Betrayal

You deceived me, you made me believe,
It was just you & me.
But your heart was elsewhere,
Your love wasn't mine & now I'm aware.

Feelings crushed, heart broken
This was borrowed love, Nothing can help with copin'
I fell prey to this man & his foolish lies,
Now what we had has solemnly died.
Confused, I'm not sure what to feel,
Saddened, will this wound ever heal?

I tried my best, I tried to make you mine.
But your motive was different, guess it was just the wrong time.

I was stupid in love,
Or was it crazy in lust?
This reality isn't what it seems,
So was it all a dream?

Beat down, my body's gotten tired,
Feelings have gone haywire.
Emotional scars displayed on my soul,
Another beautiful death of a beating heart that's grown cold.

Summer Love

The weather's starting to get hot,
And this romance is on fire.
I figured it was worth a shot,
And now your love has taken me higher.

Cool as the summer breeze,
You're exactly what I'm looking for, the right key.
Unlocked my heart and I'm filled with joy,
Crazy all of this is due to one boy...

Or should I say man?
Because in a crowd you stand
Above all, standing tall,
Better than the rest,
Is it sufficient to say you are the best?

Heated love sessions,
Your fingertips do all the caressin'
Gentle and slow you go,
You've driven me "love insane", you just don't know.

How ironic, the weather fits us,
Our passion up in flames, the thermometer busts.
As bright as the sun,
We shine together as One.

We must be careful though,
As fast as it comes is as fast as it can go.

This thing we got, can easily pass,
And so I ask,
Summer Love, how long will you last?

Love Invasion

Struck down,
I feel powerless,
But what an AMAZING feeling!
Cupid has hit his mark,
My heart...

At first, I tried to run,
I tried to escape.
But by that time,
I knew it was too late.
I was cornered...

Trapped in this tight space,
I feel confused, suffocated.
Do I embrace it or get out?
At that moment, he appeared,
Ready to strike.

What to do now!
Yet he was too quick.
I was already down,
The arrow piercing me to the ground.
I lay still, letting this feeling consume me.

It started to open up my heart,
When all of a sudden,
That's when reality hit me.

This whole enchanting experience,


Was all a bittersweet dream...

The Unexpected

It was all just so sudden,
Crazy how life can be altered.
All it takes is seconds,
And you can be gone ..

Fear, adrenaline & shock mixes into my blood.
Afraid of the worst,
Yet strong enough to expect the best.

Emotions running wild,
I cannot tame the tears.
Everyone surrounding me trying to keep me calm,
But I CAN'T!

I have you on my mind,
Wondering...
Is everything going to be fine??

I still can't get it together,
Worried every minute I might lose you.

Uncertainty is such a horrible feeling,
But my hopes are high.

I pray every moment I can,
Wishing it all gets better.

Happy Mother's Day

From the day I was born, this lady has taken care of me. Never was a day that I starved or never got what I needed. A lot of struggles have come between me & my mother, but nothing a hug & conversation couldn't settle. Growing up as an only child, my mother made sure I had everything. Although I've never expressed to her how much I've appreciated her & all she's done for me, she knows I love her. And even though, she doesn't like my appearance or how I live my life at times, she's always supported me & pushed me to do better than she ever did. Without my mother, there would be no me. She provided for me & thank God, she's still around to this day. I'm grateful to have her as my mother.

I wanna take this time to thank my mother & all the mothers out there who make everything possible for their children.


I LOVE YOU MOM! <3

The Addiction Pt. 2

My drug,
You've taken over.
Like a King in battle,
You've won another.

My drug,
I cannot lie..
You're hard to resist,
What would I do without you in my life?

Mild euphoria covers my body,
You're starting to take effect.
Don't know how to explain
But with you, it all connects..

My drug,
I try to get rid of it,
Quit it..
But there's just something about you, my drug,
That's makes me love getting lifted.

Controllin my mind & every move I make,
After this, I'll never be the same.
This drug has me untamed ...
& you're to blame.

Trust Me

You came into my life so fast!
My heart's racing, I hope I don't crash.
Be careful, coming down this raceway of love,
The road to the finish line is rough.

Satisfaction guaranteed, I know how to please.
Trust me when I tell you, I'm all you need.

I wanna hug you, squeeze you,
Kiss you, tease you.
Trust me baby, I'll know how to treat you.
Love you, need you,
I promise my heart will never deceive you.

Show me a sign!
Something that tells me I'm invading your mind.
Hold me tight,
I promise not to let go,
The feeling's so right,
I just gotta let you know.


Trust me ...

Picture Imperfect

Take a step back,
View the bigger picture ..

Lights, Camera, Action!
You've become the main attraction.

But what was once a perfect act,
Is now viewed as broken & cracked.

The camera flashes on you,
Come & show the world the REAL you, the side that ISN'T true.

What couldn't be seen before through covered eyes,
Has now been thrown into the light.

Your Judgment Day has arrived,
It is your time to reveal your deceitful side.
Pose for the camera, you should be used to this.
Put on an act for your simple audience.

This visual photograph is worth a thousand words,
And the illusion of the "Perfect You" fools this simple world.

Forgive or Forget

I want to tell you you how I feel,
Yet I don't know how.
I believed I could never find someone I truly liked,
And look where I'm at now.
Life works in mysterious ways and they say things happen for a reason,
So what do I do now since you're the one I'm needin?
I ask myself, where do we go from here?
Is there any way these scratches could heal?

I'm sorry...
Those words mean something when they're said.
Will you believe me?
Or just act like what we had is dead?
This trip can go down a long road,
But are you ready to let it all go?
Can I right my wrongs,
Or is it time to move on?

Lost in the depths of darkness,
I don't know which way to turn.
I await my fate with sadness,
Hoping you will return...

Misfit

I see you...
You walk amongst the "normal ones".
They look down at you as an Outcast,
Because you are not the same as Them.
Something out of the norm, that They aren't used to.
Ink covers your body, displaying your love and beliefs.
No one understands you,
But you were MADE to be Misunderstood.

These men, they don't love you,
They lust for you.
Your body is a playground for Them to play.
Do you allow Them in or close Them out?
Whats easier, the pleasure or the heartbreak?
They don't care...

Feelings lay on the floor,
Getting stepped on as one by one,
They treat your heart as a doormat.

Open your eyes!
Realize your potential, your POWER.
Girl, there's still fire in those eyes of yours.
Don't give up!
Love hurts and words can puncture old wounds.

They don't know what you go through,
The harsh life you've endured.
Heart colder than the winter,
But with a burning soul that longs to be loved.

I feel your pain Beautiful, Young Misfit.
Because if you can't see by now,
I am you and you are me.
I live in you and you live in me.
The Outcasts of Society, We will never be accepted.
But all that doesn't matter anymore.
Life isn't perfect and neither are We.

Goodbye, Lover

I have to ask myself, where did we go wrong?
As I drown my sorrows in this bottle of Patron.
I feel this emptiness inside of me.
I've fallen apart, like pieces of debris.
No, I won't let any tears fall from my eyes,
Better off being single than living in a lie.
I tried to express my undying love,
But I guess that just wasn't enough.
What more can a heartbroken girl ask for?
Just someone different from the ones before.
I tried to give you my all & you became my downfall.
Now, back to building up the walls.
Its difficult when you expect things to go a certain way.
When I was ready to turn over a new page.
Now I'll show my tears through my words,
Kinda feels like I'm moving backwards.
Where do I go now from here?
I gave everything I could, my dear.
Nothing left after all this time,
Can't say I don't love you,
I'd be lying in my mind
And we know I've spoken the truth.
Its sad it has to be the end,
When we didn't even start right.
I'll have to accept you as just a friend,
All I really wanted was my knight.
So this is the moment where we must part,
And I say goodbye, my heart.
You were once a part of me,
Now you've become nothing but a distant memory.

The Letter

I've walked down this path before,
It looks SO familiar.
I told myself I wouldn't do this once more,
But I'm seeing a different picture.

I'm throwing myself into the lion's cage,
Letting it immerse me with all of its rage.
I should be used to it but right now, I am afraid.
My words become lost, I don't know what to say.

This shouldn't be new to me
But there's so much I cannot see.
Blindfolded to the effects of you,
But I know this feeling is true.

I don't want to be maimed, I don't want to be hurt.
Just simply searching for that old comfort.
I don't want to repeat things of the past,
Because obviously that's why they didn't last.

Love me as I am, that's all I ask for,
I'm giving it one more try.
The key to my heart is all yours,
One more chance to keep Love alive...

Love YOU

There are some things in life that aren't easy to understand. We start to ask ourselves this infamous question: "Why?"
Why did it have to happen a certain way?

Why did it have to go down like this?

Sometimes, we just have to deal with the outcome of situations and MOVE ON.
We can't dwell on the past or what was but didn't really become.
At the end of the day, make sure YOU are happy with the person you see in the mirror and not giving yourself the 3rd degree asking "Why?". Be confident in who you are, what you are capable of.
Whoever you are reading this, you obviously can relate to the point I am trying to make. Love who you are, even if someone else doesn't. xoxo

The Addiction

I'm in love with the allure,
The illusion of love.
When it is only lust,
And there is no cure.

I wonder why your touch is what I crave.
The passion pumping like adrenaline through my veins.
Something like a drug, i need a heavy hit.
i'm hooked to your ecstasy, addicted
I gotta have you, but this isn't what I'm used to.
Now I don't know what to do, help me out, give me a clue.
Withdrawals setting in, my mind is racin'

Come back to me, almost like you complete me.
Without you, I feel like I can't truly see.

In reality, I am blind.
My eyes covered, I don't have real sight.

It hurts more than it helps.


Through my fixation, I've lost myself...