Word Vomit

You know, I realized my blog is titled "In My Mind" and i haven't really let you guys indulge in my thoughts. Yeah, the poems speak of a past that isn't so perfect, a young girl in search of happiness and love.. But I never let you in on what thoughts go through my head at that moment.

So here goes my word vomit...


I guess we all face that simple yet complicated question which seems to haunt us. That question is "Why?"
Why are certain things the way they are?
Why do we lose loved ones before we even get to spend a long life with them by your side?
I guess you could say, things happen for a reason..
I'm starting to hate, no, despise that phrase. Because I believe some things that happen have no reason.. But whatever.
Why Maino? Hm. That question really can't be answered. Our friend Tito aka Maino was a good man. One of the coolest you could come across. And I loved him with all my heart. There were a lot of things I should have said, yet didn't. Coulda, woulda, shoulda but didn't.
Hey, I guess that's life right? Some things just stay unanswered.

As I woke up this morning (the day of his burial), I was actually awake with a smile on my face. Why? Well I don't know. Actually I do..
I know he is in a much better place and regardless, his soul lives on. He is only gone in the physical, but his soul is forever with me.
I smile because I know his love is in MY heart along with everyone else who loved him like I did.

I guess this time is right for me to let out all my feelings. I loved Maino, more than he could actually imagine. I missed out on an opportunity to be with him, but we always had a bond that could never be broken, regardless of the situation.

Just letting my feelings out..

Crazy how I passed up on that.. But I guess its just that I wanted to be patient but waited too long.

Damn, Aston Martin music in my head when I wrote that. Thanks Drake for the right words lol.

But still, my love will be there forever and a day. And I know that the love he had for me still lives within me.

But enough about that... We have to celebrate life, and to be honest, be proud to be alive! We do not have the choice of saying when we want to go, when WE think our time is up. That is God given fate. So before we pass on, we have to love our family and our lives. Sucks that a loved one has to pass away to realize the importance of what is right in front of us.
"Better late than never. But never late is better." Shouts to you again Drake.

A Beautifully Altered Doll

Stitching up the final threads to his stunning masterpiece,
The tailor stares at his finished product in amazement.
"She is absolutely perfect from her head to her feet,"
Surprised at how successful his way went.

She was once a tethered and damaged little doll,
He felt that he can sculpt her into something more beautiful.
Erasing her imperfections and flaws was going to take him some time,
But he was prepared to complete this task, its all he pondered in his mind.

It didn't take as long as he had imagined,
She couldn't talk back to object to these new fashions.
Her lips stitched together, she couldn't utter a sound.
She was imprisoned, she had hoped one day to be found.

He did as he pleased, playing the puppetmaster,
As she sat back, watching her originality disappear faster and faster.

What could this little doll do? She had no voice,
Noone to run to, she was stuck here against her choice.
He wasn't going to simply let her go,
This was his creation and he wanted the world to know,
That he made this pretty little doll and she was his to keep,
Nowhere she was going to go, noone else was she allowed to meet.

So now she is placed on his trophy shelf,
Isolated from the world, as she loses her true self.

Over time she has collected some dust,
But wiped away all the traces of trust.
She didn't think he would leave her with this feeling of abandonment,
Yet there was nothing she could do, her chained hands limited.

Pretty little doll, maybe one day you will be appreciated,
But until then, you're on this lonely, dusty shelf,
Hoping soon to be alleviated,
And transformed back to your original self.

The Fairy Tale of Waits and Wishes

Ever remember how those lovely, enchanting fairy tales went?
My imagination would run wild wondering if I would ever have that type of end.
Where the princess waits for her prince and he sweeps her off her feet.
And living happily ever after was the way things were supposed to be.

But this little princess I know still hasn't experienced that fairy tale.
She's been waiting, waiting, waiting for him to prevail.

Impatiently waiting for him by her window,
All hopes have slowly but surely dwindled.
Speculating if her prince will ever come to her rescue,
Where is the love that she once knew?

He is supposed to be her knight in shining armor,
Capturing her heart, he was such a divine charmer.
Now, nowhere to be found, she's lost him,
He doesn't realize what this heartbreak has cost him.

Wishing he would come back to her to finish the ending to this story,
Yet he's not around, and she has gotten worried.
Will he return or move on to find another princess?
Forget about her and leave her with sadness and stress,

She had only asked for what every girl desired,
A prince to love her and be the only princess he admired.

I guess not all fairy tales can have that spectacular ending.
Quite disappointing that she is still there waiting.

But until then, her heart will be slowly mending,
Wishing her prince would arrive, now that feeling would be elating...